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What To Do With ConflictsMar 25, 2008Neil WarnerYou have experienced your share of conflict in your life-and who hasn\'t? - You may even be afraid of 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Perhaps you lost big time when you tried to impose your views on your spouse; or your best friendship ended in sour recriminations that nobody wanted, but nobody could stop.
What is the lesson here? What did you learn?
To go the other way, of course!
The reaction can be so extreme as to deny any conflict...
Do you smile when I quote that famous phrase in any organization: "Here we are a big family"?
Of course, that is denial big time! Some people decide that they will not see conflict, anywhere, and in this way they are always losing whatever was sin dispute, only to gain a fictitious peace!
As soon as other people realize this denial, they can get away with crime, because they know that no confrontation will follow.
It is very sad that by denial we give up our very soul, only to get along...
Can you respect yourself in this attitude choice?
In the future, you may even decide to escape; to do anything to avoid another conflict situation: giving in to other\'s demands without being satisfied yourself, only to keep the peace; settling for second-best without getting your needs met, and in general taking refuge in a place where you don\'t ever have to be bothered with anything related to confrontation, challenge, or friction.
You may have gone deep inside yourself, in fear and mistrust, refusing to get near other people again. Loneliness is preferable to anger and mistrust.
So, you become an avoider of conflict...but you need to avoid deep relationships also!
Or you can be a compromiser, who decides that 50% is the golden rule and end up with less of what you want and more of what you don\'t want...
WAIT! I hear you saying: are there more ways of dealing with conflict, besides avoiding or denying it? Or accepting a compromise, any compromise offered, so to be able to walk away from it?
YES!
You can learn how to negotiate a fair solution for both parties, and be constantly in the attitude to search for a best solution for both sides, so to get both sides happy and with a better relationship than before!!! You can be a reconciler of extremely opposite positions.
HOW DO YOU DO IT?
Each conflict style has advantages and disadvantages, depending on what situation you find yourself
Whatever your take in conflict, to avoid or to confront, IF YOU ARE NOT A RECONCILER, results are very poor. We need to learn other ways to manage conflict in such a way that we can come out of it enriched, with a sense of satisfaction, and experiencing relationship strengthening. Welcome to the manual that will teach you how to manage conflicts without giving in, and how to stir a good conflict to get what you want and keep the other side happy!
In short, this is what you need to know about conflict:
Conflict is inevitable.
Although inevitable, conflict can be minimized, diverted, managed and/or resolved.
Conflict develops because we are dealing with people\'s lives, jobs, money, pride, self-concept, ego and sense of mission or purpose.
Early indicators of conflict can often be recognized.
There are strategies for resolution that are available and DO work.
Even when forced to fight, you can always fight fair.
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For a complete set of techniques on how to deal with this issues it\'s also important that you read my eBook "Positive Conflicts" . It\'s the foundation for all of the things I teach in these newsletters.