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How to be a \"Good Enemy\"Mar 25, 2008Neil WarnerA Good Enemy does not avoid the confrontation, does not escape from angry words, or rejects the whole interaction.250enemy:5.1,listens:3.0,listen:3.0,words:3.0,way:3.0,means:3.0,different:2.0,message:2.0,upset:2.0,problem:2.0,content:2.0,confrontation:2.0,avoid:2.0,need:2.0,whole:1.0,escape:1.0,interaction:1.0,barrage:1.0,telling:1.0,rejects:1.0,accusations:1.0,hidden:1.0,loneliness:1.0,understand:1.0,says:1.0,thanks:1.0,delivery:1.0,honestly:1.0,ignores:1.0,ignore:1.0,difference:1.0,point:1.0,refuses:1.0,response:1.0,recover:1.0,escalate:1.0,view:1.0,process:1.0,voice:1.0,enemy\:1.0,aggressive:1.0,position:1.0,contact:1.0,emotional:1.0,wrapped:1.0,across:1.0,people:1.0,notice:1.0,reject:1.0,don\'t:1.0,exciting:1.0,ways:1.0,someone:1.0,i\'d:1.0,wrapping:1.0,pay:1.0,rejection:1.0,attention:1.0,things:1.0,allows:1.0,new:1.0,offer:1.0,hurts:1.0,meaning:1.0,together:1.0,solving:1.0,envelope:1.0,views:1.0,thing:1.0,respectful:1.0,positive:1.0,ebook:1.0,agent:1.0,conflict:1.0,applying:1.0,ideas:1.0,desperation:1.0enemy:5.1,listens:3.0,listen:3.0,words:3.0,way:3.0,means:3.0,different:2.0,message:2.0,upset:2.0,problem:2.0,content:2.0,confrontation:2.0,avoid:2.0,need:2.0,accusations ignores:3.8,enemy listens:3.8,hidden content:3.8,honestly thanks:3.8,says honestly:3.8,enemy refuses:3.8,different means:3.8,voice aggressive:3.8,whole interaction:3.8,aggressive words:3.8,words emotional:3.8,emotional position:3.8,problem someone:3.8,way things:3.8,don\'t pay:3.8,respectful ways:3.8,pay attention:3.8,wrapping allows:3.8,views across:3.8,problem solving:3.8,positive conflict:3.8,solving together:3.8,new exciting:3.8,exciting ebook:3.8,conflict agent:3.8,reject content:3.8,avoid the confrontation:4.4,words or rejects:2.2,rejects the whole:2.2,desperation of loneliness:2.2,ignores the way:2.2,barrage of accusations:2.2,way of delivery:2.2,content the need:2.2,need for contact:2.2,contact the desperation:2.2,says honestly thanks:2.2,listens this response:2.2,thanks for telling:2.2,understand your point:2.2,point of view:2.2,message and ignore:2.2,refuses to escalate:2.2,escalate and listens:2.2,confrontation it means:2.2,means to process:2.2,\ good enemy\:2.2,delivery and listens:2.2,listen some people:2.2,voice aggressive words:2.2,message was wrapped:2.2,wrapped angry words:2.2,words high voice:2.2,recover the meaning:2.2,aggressive words emotional:2.2,words emotional position:2.2,position and recover:2.2,someone is upset:2.2,notice and listen:2.2,don\'t pay attention:2.2,different and respectful:2.2,ignore the envelope:2.2,way the rejection:2.2,thing in different:2.2,problem solving together:2.2,positive conflict agent:2.2,applying the ideas:2.2,ideas we offer:2.2,new exciting ebook:2.2,means to listen:2.247e96c01-f81c-4675-b883-13947f000001b950aef98bee8097d88a2fa015c5b9cd58859983
A good enemy listens to the barrage of accusations, ignores the way of delivery, and listens to the hidden content (the need for contact, the desperation of loneliness)
And then says, honestly: "thanks for telling me this: I will try to understand your point of view as best as I can."
What is the difference?
A Good Enemy refuses to escalate, and listens.
This response does not mean to avoid the confrontation: it means to process it by different means.
It also means to listen to the message and ignore the envelope where the message was wrapped: angry words, high voice, aggressive words, emotional position, and recover the meaning:
"there is a problem, someone is upset about it, and I\'d better take notice and listen."
Some people are so upset by the way things are said, that they don\'t pay attention to what is said: in this way, the rejection of the wrapping allows them to reject content.
But you still need to have your views across!!!!
A Good Enemy will try to say the same thing in different and respectful ways, up until you listen, even if it hurts, AND THEN MOVE TO PROBLEM SOLVING TOGETHER!
Then, by applying the ideas we offer in this new, exciting ebook, you will become a positive conflict agent, what we call being a "Good Enemy"!
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You can start learning right now how to be a good enemy, by reading and working the many tactics that the the e-book "POSITIVE CONFLICTS" offers to you.
You can download it here and be reading it in just a few minutes.